Dear Is It Okay To Love Again
Dear M,
I am an African American man. I am widowed. I was married for 35 years. I have been alone for 6 years and I am feeling like it is time to be in a relationship. I want to have a companion. I want to talk about what’s happening in this world and enjoy a walk on the beach. I miss so much sharing. I have been seeing a woman. I met her a year ago just after the pandemic started. We decided to both quarantine so that we could spend time together. I am writing because I feel like I am falling in love. It is scary. Is it okay to love again?
Dear Is It Okay To Love Again,
Absolutely, as long as it is seemingly a feel good experience for both of you. The greatest concern that I would have for both of you would be to have it be one-sided and the other ends up hurt. At this point in life, you have had so many experiences relative to liking and loving. You have to have had multiple changes occur in your life. Changes that you have brought on and those that have happened to you. Therefore, you have most likely developed a sense of what feels right and what doesn’t.
It is so good that you are questioning if it is okay to love again. If it feels right in your heart and soul and you feel that this woman is feeling similarly, then I would say “go for it.” All our lives we hear that life is short. Well, it is shorter now than it used to be. Less time ahead of you than behind you. So why not LIVE and LOVE. If you cherish the companionship that you are experiencing, then let it be. Sometimes we can overthink. Sometimes we don’t think enough. We have so much cumulative experience to draw upon in our lives. We are deserving of all that we can harvest in our basket of being an older person.
Have this time be when the flowers bloom again from the many seeds you have planted. Believe that you are deserving of what you are feeling. Not to burst your bubble, but… be sure. If it has been these many months throughout the pandemic that you have been relating to one another, that seems like a fair amount of time to have seen the quirky parts of one another, the changes in mood, the stories of your lives. Of course, we never know it all in life. All you can do is use your best judgment.
You may consider your relationship status. Do you want to be partners in life or might you want to marry. The two of you can carefully make such a choice. There is no absolute right or wrong. It is for the two of you to decide. If either of you have adult children, you may or may not want to consider their thoughts or concerns. Sometimes it is just easier for all familial relationships, if the parents remain partners. Only the two of you can decide why you would choose partnership or marriage.
Enjoy the joy you are creating together.
